Those people with high resilience deal effectively with conflict and avoid dealing with in over email.
Susan sends and email to her working group–“I am deeply offended by Mary’s allegation that I mismanaged our organization’s funds. Mary should be more concerned with her own lack of meeting attendance.” Mary receives this message, types her response and hits “Reply all.” “Who does Susan think she is?” And the so the feud escalates.
Often this kind communication is copied to one or numerous individuals. Sometimes the offensive communication arrives in the mailboxes of people who have little or no connection to the players or organization. The miscommunication, dysfunction and tension becomes out of control.
Although email is often a more convenient way to transfer data than using a phone, there are disadvantages when conflict is involved. Clicking on SEND is often an automatic response. Words alone convey only a portion of our message. Tone, pace and volume of voice, which the phone offers, increase our understanding. In persona adds the advantage of experiencing people’s facial expressions and body language–”you are saying ‘yes” and yet I see your head shaking ‘no.’
Emails work well for providing facts and information work well with emails. Emails are invaluable for the transfer of data. However, be wary of dealing with relationship dynamics through the internet.
Have you ever been involved in an email message bush fire? It starts with one person feeling hurt, dismissed or angry about an email communication. The recipient reacts with a one up slamming or defensive message. Here is a hypothetical example:
Some organizations make a policy that any personal or group conflict is to be dealt with at face to face meetings. If ever you receive an email with conflictual content, either delete and don’t get involved or, if you are a main player, pick up the phone and arrange to meet with other party. As Voltaire said “The road to the heart is the ear.” Our eyes add understanding. When relationships count, give it your communication all.
When has emailing gone wrong on you?
