To get into the habit of thinking positive you first need to weed whack your negative thinking. One day while I was lost in a cooking storm my hubby said, “One of these days you are going to take your eye out.” I had left the baking cupboard door open at a precarious angle. Immediately, I heard myself saying, “Cancel! Cancel! I think and believe I will learn to cook safely by closing the cupboard door.” Why did I say that? Because what you put into your mind has incredible power.
As author, Robert Fulghum wrote, “Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts.” Fortunately we can strengthen our resilience by monitoring and filtering the words of others and our own self-talk.
What my sweetie said was not verbal abuse, but an expression of concern based on his imaginings of what might happen. Yet, the thought he sent my way would have put me at more risk if I accepted it.
Consider this. Tho
ughts are like seeds that get planted in the mind or not. It was our eldest daughter, Kelly, who one day said, “We are not responsible for our initial thoughts. But we are responsible for how long we entertain them or act on them or don’t.” If we linger on a thought or it hits us at a vulnerable moment or is uttered by a powerful role model it can become rooted in our unconscious as a belief. Beliefs ground our actions. Let’s spell that out.
- Situation: words are sent or something happens that stimulates a thought.
- The thought is planted and nurtured.
- Repeated self-talk creates a rooted belief in the unconscious mind with strong feelings attached.
- Reaction follows.
Notice that this pattern works for thought messages that are critical, put-down, judging, discouraging, attacking, shaming and blaming, as well as, respectful, acknowledging, self-esteem building, appreciative, empathic, kind and encouraging.
When I was a child my father called me stupid a number of times. I began to say it to myself and eventually it became a belief. That belief resulted in repeating an elementary grade and dropping out of high school. It was Rene Descartes who said, “I think, therefore I am.” My “I am” was “I am stupid.” The wonderful thing about becoming an adult is that we are now responsible for our lives, including our thought patterns. Reprogramming my belief system included tell myself repeatedly, “Cancel! Cancel! That was Dad’s idea and I have a different thought and belief. I am intelligent in my own unique way.”
In essence we deepen a belief by repetition. The self help author Robert Collier wrote, “Any thought that is passed on to the subconscious often enough and convincingly enough is finally accepted.” The good news is that the unconscious can be reprogrammed by awareness and effort.
Consider noticing your self-talk. Keep the supportive chatter. Name the destructive thoughts and beliefs. Weed them out. Then repeat what you want to believe. Make healthy and vibrant action choices based on your improved mind set. As the pioneer in positive thinking Norman Vincent Peale said, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.”
Here are some sample transformations to help you with the process:
Critical thoughts: Nurturing thoughts:
I am inadequate I am capable
I was worthless I am loveable
I am powerless I control my life
I am a failure I can succeed
I am selfish I know what is important to me
I am lazy I seek my passion
I have to be perfect I can learn and value mistakes
I did something wrong I did my best and I learned
Be easy on yourself. If you’ve spent fifteen or more years growing a weed-like garden in your unconscious mind, take your time clearing it out. Newly planted thoughts will require cultivation, time and attention. Be persistent and vigilant. You deserve a vibrant bouquet.
What about you? What negative and false beliefs were planted in your mind and have been rooted by repeatition? What have you done, or are doing, about your critical mind chatter?
