Strengthening personal resilience includes inviting cooperation around home responsilbilites. In 2005 a report from salary.com excited many of us interested in the world of moms. The grand conclusion was that moms (typically with 2 children) would earn $131, 471 US and $163, 855 Canadian a year if they were paid for the services rendered to their family. Very few families could arrange this kind of personal payment. However many women were thrilled to be acknowledged for their efforts and an explanation for their exhaustion.
She's exhausted!
But waht about those moms who risk their own well being by laboring that 70% or more? Some of them insist on tasks done their way. They may even be heard to say, “I have standards, you know?” This is a very effective strategy for scaring away willing contributors. Fortunately, they can change their belief to a sane position of, “an improvement is helpful.” Families in which support, cooperation and fairness are exercised have less conflict or illness. They put into action valuing family relationships and teamwork. Let’s not ruin our main relationship over dust.
Another block to assistance is martyring. “I can do it. I’m the Mom.” When moms are over-responsible they rob other family members of demonstrating their capabilities. Parents do their children no favour by doing for them what they can do for themselves. Sometimes, as women, our need to be needed overshadows the reality of the need for our bodies and minds to have rest, relaxation, recreation and down time.
A third block to gaining family cooperation is utilizing nagging and whining instead of invitation and negotiation. For help with a nagging habit please see my article Gag Your Nagging .
If you are ready to invite and negotiate household workload, please do the following exercise. Then hold a family meeting to discuss how all family members can contribute the priceless work of family life. Go to this link for a Family Meeting guideline.
Family Contribution Work Inventory
By knowing who contributes time to what tasks will help you better invite cooperation for sharing home responsibilities. However, don’t get caught into believing it takes five minutes to copfort a hurting child. Those kinds of parental tasks take the time that is necessary–anywhere from 5 minutes to 5 hours depending on the situation.
Write beside each item the initial of who does what family tasks and roughly how long each task takes to do weekly:
Paid Employment:
Volunteer/Community Involvement:
Cleaning:
- Put away my property/other’s property
- Dispose of old newspapers, magazines & junk mail
- Clean my project mess/other’s project mess
- Straighten house
- Dust
- Vacuum
- Sweep & mop floors
- Clean Venetian blinds &drapes to the cleaners
- Wash windows
- Clean attic or basement
Bed:
- Make the bed
- Make children’s/guest’s bed
- Change sheets
Bath:
- Hang up my towel/other’s towel
- Wipe down the shower/tub
- Clean facial hair from sink
- Clean the bathroom
Food:
- Clean up after own snacks/after other’s snacks
- Meal plan
- Shop for groceries
- Put groceries away
- Cook meals
- Set the table
- Clear the table
- Wash the dishes
Put dishes away - Prepare for parties & gatherings
- Clean refrigerator
Children:
- Play with & take on outings
- Discipline & referee disputes
- Help with school projects
- Take care of them when ill
- Take to the doctor
- Take to the dentist
- Take shopping for clothes & other needs
- Nurse, change diapers and potty train
- Feed children
- Give a bath
- Dress & find shoes
- Put to bed
- Chauffeur to activities
- Arrange for a babysitter
Laundry:
- Hang up my clothes if still clean enough to wear/other’s clothes
- Put my clothes into hamper/other’s clothes into hamper
- Do the wash and drying
- Fold laundry
- Iron my clothes/iron other’s clothes
- Take clothes to and from the dry cleaners
- Put clean clothes away
- Mend
Garbage:
- Take it out
- Attend to recycle
Maintenance & Repairs:
- Paint & papering
- Fix & mend broken things around house
- Purchase parts needed for household repairs
- Arrange for repairs done by outside help
- Replace light bulbs & fuses
Outside:
- Mow the lawn
- Water lawn
- Rake the lawn
- Trim trees & shrubs
- Care for garden &/or flowerbeds
- Delitter grounds
- Shovel/sweep walks & sidewalks
- Clean out garage
Vehicle Maintenance
- Clean the inside of car
- Wash outside of car
- Refuel car
- Arrange for repairs
- Take car to repair shop
- Check & maintain oil & water
Miscellaneous:
- Run my own errands/other’s errands
- Pack my own suitcase/other’s suitcaseFeed & clean my or our pet(s)/other’s pet(s)
- Hire professional cleaning when needed
- Make my dental/medical appointments/other’s appointments
- Plan & purchase my clothes/ other’s clothes
- Pay my bills/family bills
- Arrange my social life/other’s social life
- Organize my things in closet/other’s things/closet
- Care of aging/ill relatives
- Maintain relationships with supportive family and friends
Other(s):
How are you going to use this list to invite family and home cooperation?
