Lovable You! Why You Are from Head and Heart

You are Lovable

In the garden of the heart, a seed was sown,
A tender bud of love, a truth well known.
Deep within the soul, a whisper soft,
A melody of worthiness, rising aloft.
Yes, you are lovable!

To Be lovable Means

to treasure yourself merely because you exist.”

Think existential.  Bear with me.  The basic premise is that all beings are lovable and valuable.  Yes, even those who break the law.  I’ve written about that in my book, Love Her As She Is: Lessons from a Daughter Stolen by Addictions.  The underpinning concept is love as is.  It separates the doer from the deed; the being from the act.

If cats and dogs are lovable, aren’t we? Our dog, Sissy, did not do household tasks, required regular walks, was well fed by us, and periodically pooped in the living room. Yet, she was loved for just being.  Sure, she was reprimanded for her accidents, but her unique lovableness was never questioned.  Regrettably, many people are not given the same message of irreplaceable value.

We see unconditional love demonstrated when:

• Parents wake night after night to attend to their baby’s needs.
• Shelter is offered to someone who is homeless.
• A victim of crime forgives the offender.
• A dog wags its tail and leaps for joy at the sight of its owner.
• When a parent tells her child, “Today, I felt disappointed by your behavior but tomorrow is a new day. Never forget I love you.”

You are NOT a Human-DOing

We live in a culture that values people’s accomplishments. We can easily end up focusing on work, identify our worth in money earned, check and double check our To Do list, and run into the infamous rat race.

Here’s a warning; Do not let your work define who you are.  Ask someone what they do, and you will often hear a title like office administrator, teacher or engineer.  You are not your roles, thoughts, feelings, beliefs or work.

These aspects of your life are all chosen by you.  Identifying yourself only through your work can become problematic.  It is too common for men to have heart attacks soon after retiring. Others become depressed, not knowing what to do with themselves. Employment or work represents a part of our life, not our whole.  Careers allow us to show off our abilities.

In self-esteem terms, we want to believe, “I am capable and I am lovable.”  A nurse at one of my presentations told me, “Work is not that important in the big scheme of things.”  She’s got it!

The well-known feminist, Gloria Steinem, described in her book, Moving Beyond Words, losing herself to the 1970s women’s movement.  It took her years to figure out what was missing from her life. Steinem wrote, “The need for supporting core self-esteem doesn’t end in childhood.  Adults still need unconditional love from family, friends, life partners, animals, and perhaps even an all-forgiving deity.  (We need to hear) ‘No matter how the world may judge you, I love you.’”

If you are not already embracing yourself for simply being human in woman form, below are some self-affirming statements. Be gentle with yourself and don’t force these beliefs. Dr. Al Siebert, author of The Survivor Personality, cautions against forced affirmations as they may trigger a reverse reaction.

Talk Lovingly to Yourself

Watch your self-talk. These gentle words can become demons if spoken from an internal and demanding gremlin. If you find it difficult to tell yourself, “I deserve love,” you might start by telling yourself, “I want to believe:

• I deserve love.
• I am a good and loving person.
• I am okay just the way I am.
• My needs and wants are important.
• I am lovable at every age.

Find a self-affirming statement that best works for you. It will be the one that settles comfortably in your mind and body. It feels true. Notice how you feel when you tell yourself this message. Repeat the message to yourself more than you imagine you need to hear it. And if that doesn’t work develop some self-compassion. Loving yourself “as is” is sometimes the best you can do. If you need a reminder to do this self-affirming work, you might consider reaching out to a friend or to a helping professional. At minimum, find a time and place to explore the idea that you are lovable.

If you significantly struggle with viewing yourself as lovable, consider seeking out therapy from an Inner Child perspective.

Why Inner Child Work?

Inner Child work or therapy focuses on addressing and healing emotional wounds and unresolved issues from our childhood. This internal work explores our early experiences that influenced our beliefs, emotions, and behaviors in adulthood. When it comes to seeing yourself as lovable, Inner Child work can be impactfully helpful.

Understand Childhood Influences

Inner Child work supports us to reflect on our childhood experiences, especially those that may have contributed to feelings of unworthiness or unlovability. By gaining insight into the root causes of these beliefs, we can start to recognize how past experiences shape how we perceive ourselves.

Reconnect with your Lovable Inner Child

The Inner Child represents the younger, more vulnerable part of ourselves. By reconnecting with and acknowledging the Inner Child, we can develop a deeper understanding of our emotional needs, fears, and desires. This process can facilitate self-compassion.

Challenge Negative Beliefs

Inner Child work helps us identify and challenge our distorted, negative beliefs. By doing so, we can begin to replace those painful beliefs with more realistic and positive self-perceptions.

Build Self-Compassion

Inner Child work fosters self-compassion by encouraging individuals to treat themselves with the same kindness and understanding they would offer to a distressed child.

Develop Healthy Coping Strategies

Through Inner Child work, individuals can learn and practice healthier ways of coping with emotions and stressors. This can involve developing new skills for self-soothing and creating positive affirmations to reinforce a sense of self-worth and being lovable.

To clarify, the effectiveness of Inner Child work is dependent on a skilled therapist and a client’s commitment to do the self-exploration and healing to conclude they are indeed  lovable.

Please check out these related posts:

• First Steps to Heal Your Inner Child
• 25 Affirmations to Help Reprogram you Negative Self-Talk
• How to Practice True Self-Compassion