Celebration of Life – More Than a Happy Funeral
The Importance of a Celebration of Life
As do many senior citizens, I attend more and more funerals, memorial services, and celebrations of life. I recall my Mom saying, “Funerals become our old folks main social event. Then people expect us to get over our grief in a week or so to attend the next one.” Yes, dealing with death is challenging at any age.
The sombre, focused-on-sin funerals push my dismay button. I wonder, “Isn’t dealing with the loss enough? Is this really how you want to memorialize your loved one?” But then there is what Mom used to call happy funerals. Let’s just name them celebrations of life. Both Mom and I agreed the best of these events bring tears, laughter and worthy memories.
Plus, there are lessons to be learned and inspiration to be gained by attending these events. At a memorial service of a dear woman who died at 51 years of age, her son boldly gave the gathering a wake up call. He said something like, “The last time I talked to her was over the phone. I felt so angry at her and I said, ‘I hate you!’ Please don’t ever end a conversation with someone close to you with anything but ‘I love you.’” That must have taken courage to tell the truth–done to make a difference to others’ lives. These dramatic moments don’t happen just in the movies!
When our dear daughter-in-law Chandra died, at the end of the service, the officiate invited us to give her LIFE a standing ovation. We stood, clapped, and roared with tribute. It felt appropriate and uplifting to do so.
At my Dad’s service I described a summary of his family history, his World War II service, and some farming scenarios along with cornball humor. Our family had stayed up late the night before crafting the script.
At my Mom’s service tender tributes were given, and just as she requested, we joyfully sang her favourite hymn, Jesus Loves Me.
At the recent memorial service of speaking colleague and community leader, Corey Olynik a list of his own quotations of wisdom was shared. We could sense his presence through the words. Then the poem, When Death Comes by Mary Oliver was read. The last few lines captured my longing for a purposeful life:
When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
If I have made my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full or argument.
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
Now and then I update my Directions for Patricia Morgan’s Celebration of Life, a notebook I carry in my purse. It lists what I would like to happen when my loved ones gather after my death. It states who I want to say sweet words about me. It also directs my loved ones to show the slide deck I have prepared. Yes, I have some special messages I want to leave behind. Three of the songs I want played or song are I Just Called to Say I Love You, You are My Sunshine, and On a Clear Day.
On a clear day, rise and look around you and you’ll see who you are.
On a clear day how it will astound you that the glow of your being outshines every star!”
But why wait for death to put these celebrations in action? When my hubby and I celebrated our 70th year we organized The Spunky Senior Seventieth Birthday Party. Over 160 people came to enjoy musical tributes, lemon meringue pie, silly games, and dancing. I told our kids, “This is the kind of celebration I want when I die!”
I often leave memorial services inspired to live my days to their fullest . . . and often more consciously. Your turn! What are your thoughts about a celebration of life?
May 11, 2012 @ 10:02 am
As Mother’s Day is approaching I have been reflecting on all the wonderful women in my life. My Mother died far to young at the age of 63 while her own Mother lived until she was 96. I have counted my blessing many times that I had these strong women in my life. I am glad that I sat and chatted, vacationed and walked with them. My sisters often ask me how I know information about their lives or when did that happen. I am sensitive to their pain of not having spent the quality time with my Mother and Grandmother and to some extent feel as they do because there is so much more I wanted to say and hear. As a Mother of 2 adult children I try to share as much of my story and those that came before me. My hope is that my children will have a full understanding of a Mother’s Love.
Happy Mother’s Day!!!!!!
May 11, 2012 @ 11:22 pm
Dear Heather,
How lovely of you to pay tribute to your mother and grandmother on the cusp of Mother’s Day. For all the mothers who have loved and have been loved, I join in your acknowledgement. I recall one Mother’s Day asking our children to gift me with their attentive listening while I shared some low and high points of my childhood. That hour or so remains a fond memory. We give our children understanding of the previous generation and a context to their family dynamics when we share our stories.
April 27, 2012 @ 7:52 am
Hi Patricia,
I too attended the memorial of a dear friend. Because I had not spoken to her for a while (busyness got in the way), I told myself that I have to say “Hello, how are you?” whenever I can.
So “Hello, How are you?” and thanks for the Uplifts.
Pamela
April 27, 2012 @ 9:39 am
Dear Pamela,
Thank you for affirming that funerals/celebrations of life can enhance our awareness of being alive and how we want to operate.
How am I? Thank you for asking. 2011 was a challenging year with lots of ways to demonstrate resilience. My mom died. Two weeks later Les (my hubby) was diagnosised with Prostate Cancer. The summer was focused on his operation. In September I broke my toe. That was followed by an incorrect diagnosis of pneumonia. When I didn’t get better it was discovered I had blood clots in my right leg and both of my lungs. Apart from the pain the most difficult part was cancelling activities and engagements. I’m now on blood thinners. Just before Christmas Les was told there were still cancer cells present so he has just finished seven weeks of radiation treatment. Four days before Christmas our son, Ben, separated from his wife.
Now the upswing: Les is looking great. I, our kids and grandkids are going in the Safeway walk for Prostate Cancer on Father’s Day. Our team is called More for Les. Ben is adjusting. Kelly is doing well in a supportive roommate situation. I am healthy and back to enjoying all that I love. Tomorrow I will be at the Young Women of Power conference leading a workshop called Strong Minds-Strong Girls: Strengthening Resilience to Cope and Succeed. Next month along with some other presentations I am spending a day with the community of Slave Lake. They are still in recovery mode from the fire and want to build their resilience. I feel honored to be in a position to help.
And you, Pamela, how are you?