4 Comments

  1. Nicole Green
    November 27, 2010 @ 3:26 pm

    Oops that was 3 days and 2 nights though I could almost have stayed 21. I had such a great time and it brought a lot of shifts into my life. I was able to gain perspective on many points including that I really would like to live closer to family where I would have some support that would enable me to better take care of myself. Friends with family of their own are not the same as family.
    Not with regret as that would be silly but I wish I could have seen more clearly – all of those years the importance of self care.
    Thanks Patricia for your various support over the years – I think I will start to enjoy myself a little bit more! Love Nicole

    Reply

    • Patricia Morgan
      November 28, 2010 @ 12:11 pm

      Congratulations on allowing some positive “shifts” to happen in your perspective on family. I’m smiling while I read about your re-connection.

      When I was in my forties I figured out that my father, although he had been abusive to me and my sibling and had never said it, indeed loved me. Now and then I subtly interviewed him about his past. I heard about how his teacher, Old Dougy Barton, used to lift his shirt and lash him with a leather strap; how my grandfather would take him to the barn to wrestle saying, “When you can hold me down you have the right to say “No”; how he lost his best friend in the WW11. On and on it went. I realized he indeed had an anger management problem, probably had untreated Post Traumatic Disorder and was living the best he could.

      We transform our relationships when we allow ourselves to as you say Nicole, shift. Whether you move transplant back to BC or stay planted in Calgary you have made a discovery about “returning home to yourself.”
      Hugs, Patricia

      Reply

  2. Nicole Green
    November 1, 2010 @ 9:45 am

    On Guilt and Self Care
    After 9 years at home with my children I am actually doing something for me that is significant. Stuck in the “shoulds” of my mind I have been a stay at home mom and rarely taken more than a half day hiatus from my children and husband. Even then I was usually running errands or organizing for our home based business, I would occasionally get the opportunity to be home alone and would tell myself that folding the laundry really did make me feel good. Well one empty cup – better described as a deep ravine has brought me to where I have very little to give. And everything I am fighting so hard to give my children “that I did not get” is turning a little sour. If I could do it all again I would give abundantly but I would take much better care of myself. The obvious thing I have ignored – it really, really is true that one can not give what one does not have left to give.

    On January 12 – I go to my home town by myself for 3 days and 23 nights. Partially I feel panic. I feel like I have 9 years of catching up to do. In my state of depletion I might panic about that but instead I think I will just go and enjoy!!!!

    Take care of yourselves Momma’s! Nicole Green

    Reply

    • Patricia Morgan
      November 2, 2010 @ 6:17 pm

      Well Nicole,

      When others read your deep disclosure I’m sure many will feel connected, empathy and perhaps self-awarness for their own becoming lost in the role of “mother” or “parent.” I am reminded of the ancient philosopher, Hillel who said, “If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for me, what is the point?”

      We are social creatures intended to give and recieve, to lean on and be leaned upon, and, to share our truth and to listen.

      May your tip “back home” be one that nourishes you. If you suspect not you might want to back off on the length of visit. Just out curiosity I was not clear whether you were going for 3 days or twenty some. Which?

      Welcome back to yourself!

      Reply

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