Ask a Mental Health Counsellor about Self-care
We all have mental health challenges calling us to find solutions and rebound with resilience. During challenging times some of my connections asked questions about attending to their mental health. Here are five of those conversations in which I attempted to put on my best mental health counsellor brain. We explored topics from physical well-being to reaching goals to improving sleep.
You will notice that I sometimes ask an appreciative inquiry type question, “What have you already tried?” When we identify what we have already tried, we are often:
- Reminded of how well a strategy worked or did not.
- Nudged to return to using effective strategies.
- Supported in considering more effective solutions.
One. How to Have a Sense of Control
Martin Parnell, marathoner, professional speaker, and author (most recent, The Ageless Athlete: Age is Just a Number), asked,
“I’ve been feeling claustrophobic, just feeling a little bit that I have no control over what’s going on. Any thoughts of what I could do?”
Martin, what have you already tried? He answered with, “I’ve been getting outside and having a routine, a regular routine of walking, getting fresh air, whether it’s nice weather or the weather hasn’t been that great just to get outside and breathe the air. I just feel no matter what kind of day it is when I come back in, I feel just a little bit better.”
Mental Health Counsellor Answer
A University of Michigan research study coined the term, Nature Pill. They found that 20 minutes out in nature brings down our cortisol level by 21 percent, that is calming our nervous system by 21 percent. He is right on track with doing what is good for his nervous system.
As far as lack of control, we have influence when we speak up about what is right and what is injustice in the world. We can vote, write letters to our members of parliament and the editor of our local and national papers. We can use social media. The ultimate control is not over others but over our thoughts, our feelings, our dreams, our goals, and our behaviors, that is modeling being our best.
Two. How to Cope with Overwhelm
A young, Indigenous, employed, university student, and mom of young children asked,
“How to you cope, do everything and then be a wife? It just gets overwhelming.”
She described, “I still manage to take the girls to the sweat lodge ceremonies. We do our walks in the morning and for me that is the best time because I get to sing the prayer songs with them.”
Mental Health Counsellor Answer
Many of the traditional rituals of our Indigenous people are solid mental health enhancing practices. Our mainstream culture is bereft of ceremonies and rites of passage, especially since the decline of church and faith attendance. We are missing the guidance to go inward to feel part of a spirit-filled universe.
Other strategies for dealing with overwhelm include:
- Feel your feet on the floor and consciously breathe out your toes.
- Practice any other relaxation process such as yoga or simply having a nap.
- Replace telling yourself, “I’m overwhelmed” with “I am coping as best I can.” Doing so will tell your brain how to better cope.
- Make time for these practices by taking items off your to do list, delegating tasks to other, and if finances allow, paying for services such as cleaning or meal delivery.
Three. How to Reach Goals
Adette Lacerte, a youth coach, workshop leader, and author of Alohomora: A Potterhead’s Guide to Unlocking a Magical Life (based on the Harry Potter, book series) asked:
“How do I motivate myself to reach my goals and objectives?”
Adette, what have you already tried? She answered with “I have an action journal where I record my successes each day and I list three goals for the next day. I want to get back to doing that.”
Mental Health Counsellor Answer
There are times when we are not motivated because we are not inspired. Perhaps our goals are not igniting us, or they are not a good-fit for our values, relationships, or talents and strengths. Sometimes, our goals are not achievable in the established time frame.
Using the S.M.A.R.T. goal acronym is often helpful:
- Specific (sensibly simple).
- Measurable (meaningful with numbers).
- Achievable (encouragingly attainable).
- Relevant (realistically reasonable).
- Time bound (clear deadline).
Alternatively, rather than setting goals, build a meaningful life with these perspectives or strategies:
- At the beginning of each day write a To Do
- At the end of each day write an I Did It
- Create a vision board of the elements of what you want to have, do and be.
- Go with the flow and enjoy life’s ride.
Four. How to Find Time for Self
Occupational therapist, founder of Qi Creative, author of My Name is Trauma, husband and father, Jon Jon Rivero asked,
“How do you find time to take care of yourself?”
Jon Jon, what have you already tried? He replied, “Three things. 1) Going to sleep a little earlier. 2) Waking up a little earlier. 3) Making sure I work out first thing in the morning. That’s really helped me.”
Mental Health Counsellor Answer
Another perspective around self-care is building in micro-increments throughout the day. Ideas might include:
- 7 minutes of cardio first thing in the morning.
- Savouring a nutritious breakfast
- Taking an afternoon walk or jog.
- Taking a power nap.
- Relaxing with a book.
In Shawn Achor’s book, The Happiness Advantage, he describes five practices that increased research subjects’ happiness scores. It is suggested for 21 days you:
- Write down three new aspects of your life for which you feel grateful each day.
- Spend 2 minutes a day writing a description of one positive experience you had over the past 24 hours.
- Exercise for 10 minutes a day.
- Meditate for 2 minutes.
- Write one, quick email first thing in the morning, thanking or praising someone.
Five: How to Deal with Disturbing Dreams
A young husband and father of three said,
“So I would like your help with an issue that I’ve been having. It’s probably been in the last five to seven years. They’re not nightmares but they’re dreams of kind of reliving, unpleasant things that have happened in my past. And then it affects me throughout the day. I think about them. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, in the shower, and through the morning. It kind of breaks me down in the morning but then throughout the day. Can you help?”
Mental Health Counsellor Answer:
As many dream theories propose, when dreams recur, linger through the day, and are distressing, they have a crucial message for us. Obviously the key message is there is something bothering you and in your waking hours you are not attending to it. Also, dream theorists tell us that within the theme, characters or objects of the dream is the answer to:
- What is the unconscious or denied problem?
- What is the solution?
Here are suggested steps for getting to the bottom of your dreams:
- Record your dreams in a journal, notebook, or audio-recorder as soon as you wake up. Don’t wait at all. Why? It is estimated that 5 minutes after we wake, we forget 50 percent of the content, and 10 minutes later, 90 percent is forgotten.
- Notice if there is any running away from an object (train, bus, army tank) animal (dog, bear, lion) or somebody (boss, parental figure, fictitious character).
- Imagine turning around and facing what you are running from and ask, “What is your message?” Yes, your conscious, grounded self is asking an unconscious part, that has surfaced in the form of a dream to become conscious.
- Then consider how you will solve the message; the problem you now realize you are running from.
