Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman – Book Summary

Daniel Goleman is the author of Emotional Intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ as well as Social Intelligence: A New Science of Human Relationships published in 2006. In Social Intelligence, Goleman describes research that supports the idea that we, humans, are hard-wired for connection.

Overview:

Related to the topic of social intelligence, Goleman discusses its relationship to brain functioning, emotional intelligence, resilience, parenting, marital intimacy, friendship, leadership, and success in the workplace.

Basic Concepts:

• Social Intelligence includes awareness of others and the ability to use that awareness skillfully.
• Altruism, empathy, and compassion are important human states.
• Unsupervised play helps children build social intelligence, especially if they have a safe home (space) to retreat to, regroup and re-energize.
• Safe, caring relationships provide the security often needed to take healthy risks.
• We can influence how others feel and perform, especially if we are in a leadership (boss, parent) role.

Daniel Goleman Quotes:

1. “A five-to-one ratio, far more positive moments than negative, indicates that a couple has a sound emotional bank account and a robust relationship that is almost certain to thrive long term.”
2. “A Socially Intelligent leader helps people contain and recover from their emotional distress.  If only from a business perspective, a leader would do well to react with empathy rather than indifference—and to act on it.”
3. “Like a parent, however, a leader should not protect employees from every tension or stress; resilience grows from a modicum of discomfort generated by necessary pressures at work. But since too much stress overwhelms, an astute leader acts as a secure base by lessening overwhelming pressures if possible.”
4. “Our sense of engagement and satisfaction at work results in large part from the hundreds and hundreds of daily interactions we have while there, whether with a supervisor, colleagues, or customers.  The accumulation and frequency of positive versus negative moments largely determines our satisfaction and ability to perform; small exchanges—a compliment on work well done, a word of support after a setback—add up to how we feel on the job.”
5. “Nourishing relationships are the single most universally agreed-upon feature of the good life.”
6. “The social brain’s wiring connects us all at our common human core.”

Goleman’s last point supports research on mirror neurons in that we can observe an act or situation of someone and have the sense that it is happening to us.  Just try watching video footage of suffering Third World children.

Summary:

As Goleman argues, a healthy social network can positively affect your health, your workplace competence, your family relationships, your resilience to daily challenges, and your overall life satisfaction. Now, go practice making social connections and UPLIFT someone!

Please check out these related posts:

1. The Why, Depth and Benefits of Friendship
2. The Key to Emotional Freedom is to Put Forgiveness into Action
3. How to Mend a Broken Relationship